SMantra sm’antric- BDSM and Tantra, what is the connection?
Can that come together?
Where are the mutuality’s and differences?
Much has been and still is been discussed about this topic, especially in tantra-circles there are friends and enemies respectively, about what is tantric about BDSM and what isn’t, and if so, if it has something to do with it at all.
Generally, I would neither acknowledge nor deny that.For me it is a strong connection, which has given me wonderful deep experiences, but it does absolutely depend on which consciousness both is been lived upon. A gigantic abyss does exist in the world of today, between “holy” and “pervert” sex, or the “dark” and the “light” or even “enlightened”. A separation, which I feel either being unnecessary or even destructive.
Because tantra in particular doesn’t separate, tantra unites and connects the extreme differences. Therefore, I myself like to refer to my dearest quotation by Andro:
Tantra is the teaching of knowledge of the fabric of a reality, in which we are the weaver and the fibre mutually.
There is nothing like better or worse or that’s good, that’s not it – for me tantra is including all of it. That’s, what I like so about tantra. Tantra isn’t holy in the meaning of being untouchable and only meant for the bright side (even so, that one can enter the sacred or divine space, alone or together) it combines the dark sides too.Consciousness is what tantra does mean for me first of all, about the recognition of action and existence. Well and also to enjoy… ;-))
Instead of giving the dark sides of us a secure, neutral and caring space, so that one can express them, by suppressing or ignoring them, anxiety, shame and feelings of guilt may emerge and often do lead into something, where they are manifesting themselves in a unhealthy and destroyable way.
Only if we both embrace the dark and the bright within us and do invite the shadow to it, we will entirely be integrated and completed and rise up to our highest peak. We then will know, that the embrace of our shadow can be a powerful tool for personal growing and for our evolution.
It is a combination of both classical tantra massage and elements out of the world of BDSM, like soft dominance, a bit of spanking, bondage and blindfolding in an attentive, affectionate way. It may be a little bit more than with the bondage massage.
I use the energy of the dominance and do play a little with the stereotype, but I am not a dominatrix in the classical sense. If you search for such alike, you are wrong with me.
BDSM stereotypes will be hinted at, from me, but I am not interested that you completely surrender yourself at my lust. In my SMantra massage it remains tantric, because that is all it is about, its you!
It is my interest, to lead you to yourself, with my very personal dominance, into an inner observation and deep sensation about the devotion to life and about yourself.
The expression tantra consists of two Sanskrit words:
Tanoti (enlarging und enlargement of awareness) And Trayate (freeing and freedom)
The expression BDSM (or Kinky) combines the word:
Bondage & discipline
dominance & submission
sadism & masochism
Release and submission. Two sides of one medal. It does not fit under one umbrella if one compresses it into expressions. Does one let the expression go free, then all becomes existence, for the exploration of life in togetherness …
Also they may be different, a wilful aiming is connecting both with each other. In the bondage of the ropes, I can find and experience a new inner freedom and the pain can let me melt into unthinkable depths too.
Presenting myself … in the ways of the heart… with attentiveness … so it can find each other…
Either tantra or BDSM, both do see the sexuality as a pure life force. It’s directed to sexual fulfilment, healing, progress, ripening, love, spirituality, tranquillity, passion, a connection of heart and genital –finally and simple as that – completeness.
In BDSM it is called, being on the same level in tantra, heart by heart. The main difference lies in the stylistic device, i.e. the rituals and toys. On the physical level it’s the rope, the whip and the fastener, a sensual enlargement of the classical elements as feathers, furs, fragrance and such alike. Psychologically on a deeper level it’s dominance and passion.
The English word for BDSM is kink, basically shorter and concisely, I like to use it here … ;-))
For me the playful aspect in kink is a large enlargeable treasure trove of experience. Different roles and toys, to explore, experience and feel oneself at very new places and in other circumstances. Fathom borders, getting to know my own dominance and ability to be passionate, to be able to discover a lot of new faces and facets on myself and not least to melt into pain, lust and love…
Also tantra isn’t always light, love and balm for the body, brain and soul, it does bring us into connection with feelings like power and powerlessness.
In my experience there is happening a throughout erection by accepting this connection. At least I did experience a great growth of power.
Power and powerlessness, dominance and devotion, reduction, disposal of the responsibility, how does it fit together with tantra?
Submission, abuse of power, humiliation, that are some of the main points of critics by many tantricians, towards BDSM respectively, how shall that function tantrically? For me that’s only an contradiction outwardly. BDSM isn’t the stereotype, that’s been pretendingly brought to us by the media. The absolutely untouched basic of kink is mutual agreement. To that belongs a lot of attention and attentiveness, towards my partner. And devotion, in action as much in reception…
In tantra and in every spiritual line devotion is a huge broad field. The devotion towards the divine, the all and everything, the One, the existence or also just simple towards my Shiva.
That is a sweet training area. Devotion is an experience beautifully and often longed for, annihilation of the ego, of all fights, of dogmatism and importance. Once in a while it is necessary, simply to melt into love and devotion, to feel our self complete. By posing so many claims the society isn’t making it easy for us, to stand one’s ground as man or woman, that makes it difficult to fill into these archaic images and simply let oneself go for a while.
What an release, not to have to be anyone, not to hold on something, not playing a role. Only to let myself go dropping into my feelings, needs, lust and physical awareness.
In a society, where it is so important, always to keep everything under control, in order to represent somebody and to suffocate under the responsibilities… who is wondering, that BDSM is liked so much.
After a SMantric ritual maybe one can again be much more attentive and caring about his duties and go after ones responsibilities … because one had a little empowering holiday away from it.
And it is also part of responsibility, to look for secure spaces therefore, in order to playfully let go the responsibility for a while, before I am breaking down and do run away in real life from the responsibility.
To take over in a game the responsibility for somebody else, attentively and gladly, is a terrific great service of love.
The humiliation and complete submission in a huge BDSM field hasn’t ever attracted or gravitated me, that I want to exclaim for myself. Therefore the basis of tantra and consciousness is so important for me.But even this could be surely brought in a tantric context.
I don’t have to explore all variations, but only the ones, which have a certain attraction for me. If they have been sleeping in secrecy (as with so many of us) they may now come out of their secret hideout and may be experienced in a certain truthfulness.
Education has therefore a little bit more attraction for me, as it also very funny and can be lived in a tantric playful sort of way. I find it rather boring, of letting be licked my feet, fitting them even in high heels, instead to educate my counterpart to a gentle washing of the feet. That´s something ;-))
Or to bring someone with dominant leadership towards it, to sense his breath and physical sensations deeper. Lead and be lead …
And, in order to return to the tantric origin, not only Kali, also in tantra the so much adored Shiva is a god of destruction, it is also his job sometimes to humiliate and to reduce in order to create space for new.
When I bow myself in the tantric SM-Play, I bow myself also again before this power… It has for me a unbelievable power and beauty, to devote me not to the Dominant Herbert, but to the God SHIVA… that gives me back my womanhood, witch in the everyday live somestimes forget with all the do this, do that and yet gives the Smantric game another dimension.
My own way to it:
For me all has started with bondage massages. At that time that was a rather revelation for me, there have been opened new doors towards myself, for being securely hold, for devotion and also for ruminant tranquillity.
Either with guests or with myself only, I did make the experience, to immerse into meditation and tranquillity, into an even deeper space within myself and meanwhile I am almost thinking, that this very even stronger immerged devotion is a basic desire of very many human beings.
On tantrically inspired parties I am sometimes weaving into it parts of bondage and the people react often rather overwhelming, while most of them didn’t have anything to do with it before. Both as much spiritually and physically.
Until now my experiences have also been more on the soft line as well as the playing with intensive sensations, yet it has drawn me more and more towards the exploration of pain. I believe, if one is seriously working with himself spiritually, tantrically or onto other directions too, it’s compulsory that one becomes confronted with the topics of death and pain and in a way has to deal with that anyhow.
I consider a conscious, playful tantrical way to handle the pain for still a very huge subject of research and I am looking forward towards all explorers and connecters… ;-))